Since the MLB All-Star game voting process is so obviously flawed by being essentially a popularity contest and hardly being based on real production, it only seemed right to remedy the situation by creating the 2012 Asshole All-Star Team comprised of the best players at each position from the four teams we follow the closest. I’d take my chances with this roster against either league’s All Stars.
C – A.J. Pierzynski, CWS – .285 AVG, 39 Rs, 16 HRs, 49 RBI
The most unpopular player in the majors is quietly having a monster year and clearly should’ve been an All-Star. His pissing match with Ron Washington truly justifies his hallowed place on our masthead.
1B – Prince Fielder, DET — .299 AVG, 48 Rs, 15 HRs, 63 RBI
This was a close one with the underrated Paul Konerko a close second, but Prince’s numbers (beside’s AVG) are just a little better, especially RBI. He’s a huge source of pride to all us fat guys.
2B – Gordon Beckham, CWS — .243 AVG, 39 Rs, 9 HRs, 37 RBI
Bacon is one of the myriad White Sox having a bounce-back season. Despite his low average, he’s easily outpacing his MLA competition at second base.
SS – Starlin Castro, CHC — .291 AVG, 41 Rs, 7 HRs, 43 RBI, 16 SBs
The hype around Starlin has certainly taken a backseat to that of Anthony Rizzo on the North Side, but he’s still putting up the numbers (and he’s only 22!).
3B – Miguel Cabrera, DET — .324 AVG, 52 Rs, 18 HRs, 71 RBI
What can be said that hasn’t already about the future hall of famer? The move to 3B certainly hasn’t affected his offense at all and as long as he stays away from the scotch he’s shown he’s consistently among the best hitters in the game.
RF – Alex Rios, CWS — .318 AVG, 50 Rs, 12 HRs, 49 RBI, 13 SBs
These are much more like the numbers Kenny Williams thought he’d be getting when he claimed the two-time All Star off waivers for $60 million in 2009.
CF – Austin Jackson, DET — .332 AVG, 54 Rs, 9 HRs, 38 RBI, 7 SBs
After a disappointing sophomore season, AJax is having the breakout year Tigers fans have been hoping for since he replaced our beloved Curtis Granderson in 2010.
LF – Melky Cabrera, SF — .353 AVG, 55 Rs, 8 HRs, 44 RBI, 10 SBs
I have to admit I always thought the Melk Man would just be a serviceable journeyman outfielder that would kick around the league in anonymity for a few years. Perhaps this speaks more toward the quality of the AL vs. NL, but boy, is he ever proving me wrong now.
DH – Adam Dunn, CWS — .208 AVG, 48 Rs, 25 HRs, 16 RBI
What a difference a year makes for the Big’n. The average is still shitty, but that’s not what he’s paid for. The Comeback Player of the Year candidate has already surpassed his run, home run, and RBI totals from last year.
SP - Chris Sale, CWS— 10-2, 2.19 ERA, 98 Ks, 0.95 WHIP
It’s amazing how a guy with such a slight build can generate that much power, but the Scarecrow has emerged as one of the game’s best.
SP - Justin Verlander, DET— 9-5, 2.58 ERA, 128 Ks, 0.95 WHIP
Despite getting screwed out of a couple wins early on, the reigning AL Cy Young and MVP is off to yet another super-human start. I’ve written plenty about JV over the years so praising him any more would just be repeating myself.
SP – Matt Cain, SF — 9-3, 2.62 ERA, 118 Ks, 0.96 WHIP
Mr. Perfect has carried the Giants all year with Tim Lincecum going up in smoke (so to speak). The perfect game and All-Star Game start should give some much deserved recognition that a lot of West Coast pitchers sometimes lack.
SP - Jake Peavy, CWS — 7-5, 2.85 ERA, 108 Ks, 0.99 WHIP
I’ve always admired Peavy’s toughness and it’s great to see him come back, fully recovered from the bizarre shoulder injury he suffered two years ago.
SP – Ryan Dempster, CHC— 4-3, 1.99 ERA, 70 Ks, 1.01 WHIP
Unless he’s traded to the Tigers or even across town to the White Sox, Dempster’s days as an MLA-eligible All Star are likely numbered. But he’ll definitely be going out on a high note having gone the last 27 innings without giving up a run. We’ll miss you, Demp.