Category Archives: Asshole of the Month

Assholes of the Month: National Baseball Hall of Fame

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Baseball Writers Association of America and Veterans Committee: You are a bunch of assholes!

Today’s bittersweet announcement that Ron Santo will finally be inducted into the Hall of Fame is really just a swift kick to the decomposing crotch of the Cubs legend who died almost a year ago to the day.

I’m far from biased here. Santo played well before my time and was easily the worst broadcaster I’ve ever heard (although swingin’ Dick Stockton is giving him a run for his money these days) so I don’t have a horse in this race, but the numbers don’t lie. I won’t bore you with yet another examination of his career statistics because it’s clear his numbers have always been Hall of Fame-worthy—otherwise, he wouldn’t have been elected now.  So what the hell was the holdup?

I’m not a big fan of the pomp and circumstance associated with awards and ceremonies in general, but to deny the man the joy and satisfaction of joining the Hall and then posthumously deem him deserving is simply cruel and vindictive.  The fact that he was elected almost unanimously (15 of 16 votes) now that he’s dead and buried proves that the Baseball Writers Association and especially the pompous Veterans Committee are just a pathetic group of pretentious elitists who are abusing their perceived power to spite people they think they are better than.

What’s really sad is the enormous amount of time and emotion Santo devoted trying to join such a miserable organization. So for that—National Baseball Hall of Fame, Baseball Writers Association of America and the Veterans Committee—you are all a bunch of assholes.

Asshole of the Month: Jered Weaver

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Jered Weaver: You are an asshole.

Valid arguments can be made on each side of the stupidity that happend during Sunday’s Tigers/Angels game, but Jered Weaver gets the Asshole of the Month award for throwing at Detroit catcher, Alex Avila’s head.

Say what you will about the showboating by the Tigers’ Carlos Guillen (and allegedly Magglio Ordonez), but there is simply no excuse for throwing at anyone’s head.  There is no rule, written or unwritten,  that can justify any action that could end someone’s career or even their life.

It’s difficult to know what started the whole brouhaha but it appears Weaver got pissed at Maggs’ marveling over his 2-run bomb in the 3rd.  Perhaps sensing the Cy Young award slipping away to his counterpart on the mound, Justin Verlander, Weaver’s 10¢ brain couldn’t figure out that Ordonez wasn’t sure if the ball was going to be fair or foul immediately as the ball missed the foul pole by mere inches. He was simply following the trajectory of the ball for a moment to confirm it was a home run before putting his head down and trotting around the bases as the “unwritten rulebook” mandates. Later in the game, Weaver jawed at Magglio after a fly out as he passed the mound on his way back to the dugout, presumably about his perceived slight.

Admittedly, Carlos Guillen acted like a clown with his subsequent stare down and waltz around the diamond after his 7th inning solo shot, but Weaver’s overreaction was borderline criminal.  After screaming at Guillen and receiving a warning from home plate umpire, Hunter Wendelstedt, Weaver promptly fired his first pitch directly at Avila’s head.  Luckily, he was able to barely duck under the missile, otherwise, the unthinkable may have happened and I might be writing about a tragedy while Weaver sits in a jail cell.  If he wanted to retaliate, hit him in the backside or—here’s a novel idea—strike the guy out!

Baseball’s “unwritten rulebook” is a very tedious and often childish text authored by thin-skinned players and coaches who can’t handle the slightest assault on their enormous, yet incredibly fragile egos. Justin Verlander was even guilty of referencing it’s stupidity when he stared down the LA’s Erick Aybar after he attempted to break up Verlander’s no-hit bid with a bunt to lead off the 8th.  In a 3-0 game Aybar has every right to do whatever he can to get on base, no matter what historical feat the opposing pitcher is about to achieve.  To quote former NY Jets’ coach, Herman Edwards: “You PLAY to WIN the GAME! HELLO?“ Fortunately, Verlander decided to simply glare at Aybar and not jeopardize the Angels’ next batter’s career and life by hurling a 100 mph projectile at his head to retaliate.

After the game, Angels center fielder, Torii Hunter put it best when he said “I thought that was all stupid. Everybody was stupid.”  I couldn’t agree more, but Weaver’s dangerous, idiotic and disproportionate reaction is what sets him apart to make him the Asshole of the Month. Congrats.

Asshole of the Month: “Ass”tros Fan

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A Houston Astros fan, identified only as “Bo,” takes this month’s honor.  The video pretty much says it all but the little details like the lame Zoo York hat he’s skillfully placed sideways on his thoughtless head and the fact that HE KEPT THE BALL seal the deal.  Bo “Ass”tros Fan: you are an asshole.

SIDE NOTE: Check out the impressive Texas gunt in the background with a white t-shirt draped over it.  Is that a guy or a chick?  I really can’t tell.  And is he/she wearing a scarf or is that some kind of headdress?  What is that?

Asshole of the Year?

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Public Enemy #1

Public Enemy #1 in Detroit, umpire Jim Joyce

Umpire Jim Joyce just ripped the hearts out of Armando Galarraga, his Tigers teammates, Tigers fans and baseball fans everywhere.

With 26 Indians up and 26 Indians down, the 21-year veteran ump inserted himself into baseball history by blowing an easy call at first base, breaking up what should’ve been the first perfect game in the Tigers 110-year history.  It should’ve been the 21st perfect game in major league history.  And maybe even more incredibly, it should’ve been the 3rd perfect game in a 3-week span after the A’s Dallas Braden and Phillies’ Roy Halladay managed to avoid horrendous umpiring and reach perfection.

Undoubtedly, there will be renewed calls for the expansion of instant replay but that won’t make up for what Joyce has taken away from all of us.  But I guess nobody’s perfect, right Jim? I think we have early winner for Asshole of the Year.

Asshole of the Month: Hanley Ramirez

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Hanley Ramirez, you are an asshole.

Florida Marlins’ superstar shortstop Hanley Ramirez made headlines this week on and off the field with his lack of hustle compounded by a complete lack of respect for his manager and teammates.

When Marlin’s manager Fredi Gonzalez benched his ass for slowly trotting after a ball he had booted into left field, Ramirez didn’t hesitate to throw Gonzalez and his fellow teammates under the bus when asked by reporters about it:

It’s his team. He can do whatever he fucking wants.  There’s nothing I can do about it.  I wasn’t trying to give up.  That was the hardest I could go after the ball.  We got a lot of people dogging it after ground balls. That’s OK.  He doesn’t understand that.  He never played in the big leagues.”

While Ramirez has subsequently (and reluctantly) apologized for his comments at the urging of many such as Hall of Famer Andre Dawson, it’s pretty obvious that Ramirez doesn’t give a shit anyone but himself.

Hanley, you are an incredibly talented player and I’ll still draft you with the #1 or #2 pick in my fantasy draft but you, my friend, are an asshole.

Asshole of the Month: Matthew Clemmens

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Matthew Clemmens, you are an asshole.

While Milton Bradley’s prolific assholian resumé always puts him in the running for our Asshole of the Month award (this month: flipping off Texas fans and getting sued by his former Chicago landlord $44,000 in unpaid rent), but this month’s runaway winner is also an early front-runner for Asshole of the Year.

21-year-old Philadelphia Phillies fan, Matthew Clemmens, was arrested for intentionally vomiting on an 11-year-old girl during a Phillies game. Take that in for a second–he shoved two fingers down his throat and intentionally vomited on an 11-year-old girl! Wow. I guess his buddy got kicked out earlier for similar, yet slightly less revolting behavior and this was Clemmens’ idea of retribution against the people who originally alerted security. Remind me to wear a Hazmat suit if I ever decide to make a road trip to Citizen’s Bank Ballpark.

There is a hint of poetic justice in this story since the girl’s father happens to be an off-duty cop, so you know this asshole got the “special treatment” when they hauled him off to jail. From the looks of this mug shot, the boys down at the station got a good head start.