Before Pete creams his panties like the throngs of gravitationally-challenged lady fans in ill-fitting Konerko #14 jerseys all over the South Side (has anyone else noticed this disturbing fashion trend?), I’d like to point our that Paulie’s staggering 8 home runs is only the second highest total amassed by a player in the city of Chicago this season—and it’s a fairly distant second.
Believe it or not, Alfonso Soriano is leading the majors by going yard 11 times already. Yes, that bungling butcher/money pit pictured on your left. I couldn’t believe it myself when I emerged from my malaise brought on by the pathetic ball Chicago & Detroit fans alike have been subject to over the past week, and took some time to look at the league batting leaders.
Add to those 11 taters 21 RBI, 17 runs scored and a .919 OPS and you have arguably the best player in Chicago right now. His mediocre .267 average and pathetic .286 OBP are anything but impressive, but “Adolfo” (as the Dick Stockton likes to call him—that guy still cracks me up) is pretty much the gold standard of Chicago baseball today.
Now before Pete leaps to his keyboard to rip my throat out in defense of his beloved #14, let me just point out I don’t say that with any sense of price—that’s just how awful this first month of the season has been for both sides of town.
While the streaky 35-year old (um… yeah, make that 38-year old) has done anything but live up to his criminal 8-year/$136M contract that has the Cubs hamstrung until 2014 (I just threw up in my mouth thinking about it again) at least he can hang his hat on this one temporary feat. Congrats! Sleep well tonight, Adolfo.
Major League A*Holes 
That’s the funniest most ridiculous article you ever wrote. Keep them coming. It gets harder and harder to take you seriously.
Oh yeah, those 11 home runs make up half of the teams total. That’s almost as funny as your article.
You’re missing history being made at the Cell!