The 83rd All-Star Game rosters were announced today featuring 12 Assholes. Of course these guys aren’t really assholes (with the possible exception of Starlin Castro). Quite the contrary, in fact, but the four teams we follow here are well presented. Here’s the rundown:

C Buster Posey, SF — Good to see he’s rebounded nicely from last year’s mangled ankle.
1B Prince Fielder, DET — Fear the power of the gut!  An inspiration to all us fat guys.
3B Pablo Sandoval, SF — See above.
OF Melky Cabrera, SF — The Melk Man has been delivering all year.

Matt Cain, SF — Perfect games tend to land you a spot on the All-Star team.
Chris Sale, CWS — A well-deserved nod to The Scarecrow.
Justin Verlander, DET — Of course.

1B Paul Konerko, CWS — The most underrated hitter of the era?
3B Miguel Cabrera, DET — Should’ve been the starter over Beltre.
SS Starlin Castro, CHC — Figured he’d be the one obligatory Cubs representative.
DH Adam Dunn, CWS — Great first half, but is he already reverting back to last year’s abysmal form?
1B Bryan LaHair, CHC — Really? Two Cubs?