This hasn’t been a great week for the New York Yankees. Not only have they lost Captain CrutchDerek Jeter to a fractured ankle and their $275 million third baseman to a couple of blondes behind the dugout, but the absolutely dominant pitching of the Detroit Tigers has forced their remaining mercenaries to crap down their legs, embarrassing themselves and the legions of Yankees fans nationwide. It’s to the point now that desperate manager, Joe Girardi is mixing and stirring his lineup like a lunatic alchemist in a futile attempt to find that ever-elusive magic combination that will turn lead into gold.

Tigers’ pitching has essentially neutered Yankees’ bats in this ALCS, holding them to a collective 20-for-110 (.182 AVG) with a total of five runs—four of which came against former closer (and future gas station attendant) Jose Valverde—over the first three games.  Doug Fister, Anibal Sanchez, and Justin Verlander had combined for 21.1 scoreless innings until JV gave up what ended up being a meaningless home run last night in the 9th.  Hell, even Phil Coke has looked good in relief, striking out four in 3.2 scoreless innings over three appearances while collecting two saves.

The Tigers now pass the baton to the heterochromatic Max Scherzer  to face Yankees’ workhorse CC Sabathia with a trip to the World f-ing Series on the line. Mad Max had been a little gimpy down the stretch, battling a weak shoulder and even a slight ankle injury suffered during the celebration after clinching the AL Central Division title in Kansas City. But Scherzer returned with a vengeance for Game 4 of the ALCS, striking out eight while not surrendering an earned run over 5-and-1/3.  His performance should’ve sent Detroit to the ALCS, but the Big Potato found a way blow the save in what I hope proves to be that fat ass’s penultimate game in a Tigers’ jersey.

A now well-rested and fully-healed Scherzer faces a Yankees lineup that has a strong propensity to strike out—24 times in three games so far, to be exact. A K-machine like Scherzer should feast on the free-swinging Yanks and hopefully land the Tigers in the Fall Classic for the second time in six years later tonight!