The infamous ‘Cardinal Way’ celebrated by throngs of jort-wearing, toasted-ravioli eating yokels across Missouri and southern Illinois has been exposed as fraudulent time and again as their corrupt empire has rotted from within. After the worst example of corporate espionage in sports history resulted in a prison sentence for a Cards executive fall guy, yesterday’s Stickum-Gate incident involving a baseball miraculously attaching itself to Yadier Molina’s chest protector may be more humorous than anything, but it’s symptomatic of a corrupt culture hiding under the guise of being the most honorable organizations in baseball.

That’s my long-winded way to say the Cardinals are completely full of shit.

Not that applying copious amounts of some kind of illegal substance to your catcher’s gear is the most egregious of transgressions, but it’s the arrogance and hypocrisy exposed by Molina and his red-ass brethren’s reaction to reporters having the gaul to question them about it that is annoying as fuck.

Molina predictably played coy saying, “I don’t know” when reporters asked how the ball stuck to him, but then went on the attack like an abusive White House Press Secretary by adding “that’s a dumb question” when asked if he put something on his chest protector. It’s one thing to plead ignorance to protect the relatively innocuous wink-and-nod understandings in baseball, but to berate a reporter for doing his job descends to an assholish level.

Manager and general dickhead, Mike Matheny embraced a similar strategy by pleading ignorance. “I don’t know what happened. I have no idea. I’ve never seen it.” Sure, Mike. Sure.

Paper thin denials aside, in a stroke poetic justice, Molina’s folly ended up being the key play in a rally that sent the World Champion Chicago Cubs past St. Louis to win 6-4. As Molina frantically looked for the strikeout ball in the dirt, pinch-hitter Matt Szczur sprinted down the line and stole first base. After a walk to Jon Jay, Kyle Schwarber delivered a go-ahead three-run goddamn monster homer.

But the Molina incident brings new scrutiny to another bizarre Cardinal occurrence earlier in the series when perennial Cy Young contender, Adam Wainwright threw easily the worst pitch I’ve ever seen. Was it due to having WAY too much grip provided by whatever magically adhesive concoction Molina has brewed up? Not according to Wainwright who spun even more annoying bullshit instead of just telling it as it is.

“I saw him [Molina] shift outside and I was looking at a different part of the plate,” Wainwright told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. “When I saw that, instantly – and I saw it before – I thought he was looking for a breaking ball and I had fastball grip. I did not want to throw a ball and hit him in the collarbone or something and have Yadier out. I pull-hooked it and erred on the side of not hitting him – by 20, 30 yards.”

Only the most brainwashed St. Louis honk would believe any of this. But I guess when the self-proclaimed “Best Fans in Baseball” have been telling themselves their shit doesn’t stink long enough, they’ll believe just about anything by anybody with two birds and a bat on their chest.

 

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