Perhaps brought on by the demonic power of a mysterious golden chain bestowed upon him by best brethren Anthony Rizzo earlier in the day,, a hardly recognizable Kris Bryant committed his first sin on Earth Saturday night when he used profanity in a post-game interview.

When asked about the criticism he’s received on social media, the formerly pure Bryant erupted in an uncharacteristic furious rage.

I could go 4-for-4 and it’s not good enough for some people, so…I. Don’t. Give. A. Shit. How bout that?

Bryant 9:26

Woe unto thee, trolls. Woe unto thee.

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59 | Happy Opening April Fool's Day! Major League A*Holes: The Show

April Fool's hijinks and Opening Day roster surprises  |  Javy Baez is NOT Francisco Lindor just like Anthony Rizzo is NOT Paul Goldschmidt, so STOP fucking comparing them  |  Trying to stream Marquee Network is a completely FUBAR experience  |  NostraDumbass: Predictions for MVP, Cy Young, and ROY  |  Bad Tweets: Where are all the White Sox fans? #Cubs #WhiteSox #Tigers #Giants #Athletics #MLB #OpeningDay
  1. 59 | Happy Opening April Fool's Day!
  2. 58 | White Sox NOT Completely Fucked by Eloy's Folly
  3. Fantasy Special '21
  4. 57 | Cubs/Sox Polar Opposite 5-Year Anniversaries
  5. 56 | Fans Back in the Fucking Stands!